escape from paradise

I have a problem

2005-06-13T03:21:00.000-07:00

This summer, we had our affiliation in Manila. We stayed in this small dormitory in Recto for about 1 and half month. The problem is my classmates were dissatisfied with our boarding and lodging. Furthermore, we/they found out that our Dean made us pay more than we had to for the whole affiliation thing. And so... they/we decided that we will be filing a complaint to our school President when we get back here in our place. (making any sense?)

Our class president circulated a paper which says that we were dissatisfied with the boarding and lodging (something like that) and that we experienced discomfort during our stay... and that we were filing a complaint against the dean for collecting excessive fees from us. We had to sign our names with signature at the bottom.

well... our Clinical instructor said that our dean admitted(sort of) that the owner of the dormitory gave her some money (like a kick back or a commission) for choosing their dormitory. (understandable?)

Furthermore, we also paid for 1 and a half week stay in the dormitory. BUT we only stayed at the dormitory for 1 month and 1 week which means we still had 1 week left. But we didn't consume the last week so we were supposed to be reimbursed. However, we never got anything... which made us wonder where our money went.

AND we also paid for a tour which wasn't really very costly. (Imagine 50 students paying 5oo bucks each for a tour) The tour turned out to be very very inexpensive since the places we visited didn't even have an entrance fee.

I haven't signed the signature campaign sheet yet... (I don't really want to)
and my problem is

~if I don't sign the paper, the whole class will be on me.
~if I do sign the paper, eventually, the dean will get her hands on that paper and then probably make our last year in college a living hell. she may even go as far as not letting some of us to graduate. (she's also our teacher in two subjects)

the bottom line is, I don't want to be placed on the hot seat and ruin my chances of graduating next year. Graduating means more to me than anyone could imagine.

*sighs*
what a dilemma...

Boys Don’t Cry

2005-06-05T22:39:00.000-07:00

I just found out that my friend is a bi-sexual. I can't believe it...

Before, people would ask me "Is your friend gay?" and I'd say "no, he's not. he's just this really sensitive guy who doesn't like to keep the macho image."

and now... It's like... wow...

Sometimes I'd read discussions and opinions about the third sex but I never really entertained them in my mind coz y'know I thought 'it's okey. who cares? why make a big deal out of it?' I never really thought that I'd have a friend who'd come out into the open and say "I also have feelings for the same sex." it's just so mind blowing. First of all, I never expected it from him. second, parang nakakapanghinayang kse... he's smart, sensitive, mabait, a good listener and...

pero kung iisipin, nandon naman na lahat ng signs ng pagiging "kakaiba" nya. Meticuloso sa grooming, iyakin or pusong mamon (ito na siguro ung pinaka sign na medyo ano siya), mahinhin kumilos (hindi ung tipong lalaking lalaki kung maglakad) hay...

shocked lang siguro ako. kse naman...

pero in fairness kung yon ang totoong sya, okey lang rin naman. May freedom of expression nga naman ika nga. Masyado pa rin kseng taboo dito sa Pilipinas ang pagkakaroon ng 3rd sex. But if you're the third sex and you plan to come out into the open, you have to be prepared to defend yourself. Not everyone will readily accept the real you coz they've been accustomed to the other you.

my summer vacation

2005-06-05T05:02:00.000-07:00

ano bang hindi ko malilimutan sa summer vacation na to?
marami... tulad nung time na nawala ako and nakarating ako sa city hall ng manila... tapos ung nahulog ako dun sa hagdanan nila tita tess nung first day ko dun sa bahay nila... then there's also our "operation tuli" na kasama ko sila "mommy". tapos ung tour namin. and then ung pag-iinternet ko tuwing gabi dun sa recto (na lagi kong kasabay sila cox)... ung lagi kong ino-order sa Jollibee na Peach Mango at Swirly Bits... ung time na nagkasakit ako dun sa dorm... ung unang beses namin na pumunta sa cavite; nakarating kami sa silang,cavite wherein dapat sa carmona lang kami... ang dami talaga... I was able to go around the different parts of manila this summer. all in all masaya itong summer na to. plus... nagparelax ako. ^^ o di ba?

dear diary....

2005-06-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

I'm going to thow my diaries. I've kept one since I was in grade 3 and now I wan to throw them away. They're just full of shit. I don't even know why I even ever kept one.

gabi na namn

2005-06-02T03:34:00.000-07:00

just got back from manila this morning.
here I am again... ready for the last two sems. Hopefully, I'll get by these ones the same I got through the others.

I'll just write about my summer vacation next time.

gabi na e.

which is it?

2005-05-30T02:26:00.000-07:00

not in the mood right now. i had my hair done... again. and this time it's dry and brittle. hay... kakabadtrip talaga ung bakla na un. Makarma sana siya.

it's 5:oo already but I couldn't care less. I've got a headache boring a hole in my head but I don't want to go home right now. Not just yet...

I've just posted a new topic on the web:

Would you say...

I love you because I need you or I need you because I love you?

obviously one of these statements reflects immaturity but how many of us recognize this immaturity in ourselves?

if you want to know where this topic is leading to...
well, I was thinking about discussing the nature of mature love.
Love is just a word thrown a lil bit too much all over but do we know how to really love?

Read this

surprise... surprise...

2005-05-29T00:36:00.000-07:00

^^ nakita ko si ate mic mic sa friendster.
gulat nga ako e. she's in canada now. grabe! I was just thinking about her a few days ago and now... I can't believe I can talk to her again after... 8 years! grabe talaga.

I'm in cavite right now. Be goin' back to bicol in 2 days time. (Wala pa nga pe pang-enroll pala )

it's raining outside. It's been like that the whole week. buti na lang alang bagyo.

went shopping rin today. kakapagod nga e.

ano pa?
I saw the movie Deep Impact last night. It was a mind opener; gave me an insight about love, life and death. aside from that, sobrang nakakaiyak. kakainis nga e. kse naman nung dumating na sa part na tinatawagan na ung mga pre-selected lang... ayun... tumulo na ung luha ko.

It really made me realize a lot of things. naalala ko rin ung isang quote:

what could be more important than life and love?
-Genghis Khan

material things don't matter. you can have everything and still have nothing.

stupid me...

2005-05-26T06:06:00.000-07:00

ewan ko ba kung ano problema ng site na to... or maybe it's the computer....
bad day na naman.
pumunta kami sa cavite kanina. dinalaw namin si mommy. pinacheckapan rin namin si reijin. bka kse may primary complex siya. anyway, di naman namin siya napa PPD test kse kulang na ung gamot.

after that we left for alabang na. anyway, nagpaiwan ako dun sa EDSA central para magtingin tingin and naalala ko na kailangan ko ng shades. I bought one at a retail store.... and then while I was walking, I didn't want to carry the plastic kse parang "hindi bagay"... and so naisipan ko siyang hawakan na lang. I walked all around the mall holding it. Then when I decided to take a jeep home... napag-isip isip ko... mukha rin naman akong tanga kse it was raining all day. Siguro iniisip nung ibang tao "who'd bring a sunglass on a rainy day?"

tapos ito pa... I got off at the wrong stop. Akala ko kse Countryside na... then na-realize ko na de castro pa lang pala. sumakay na lang ako ulit... pero grabe nakakahiya!

help!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-05-25T04:17:00.000-07:00

just one more week to go before school opens again and so far, I still don't have any idea what my thesis will be.

well, I've changed my layout. I think they're cute. neh? I'll be changing it again. (hopefully tomorrow)

hah!

2005-05-24T02:40:00.000-07:00

ewan ko ba kung matatawa ako or maiinis.
pupunta dapat ako dun sa PLDT pero lagi kong nalalampasan ung lugar. Dalawang beses na nga akong sumakay pero nalampasan ko pa rin. Hah! okey lang... Siguro hindi muna talaga ako ngayon magbabayad. ^^

here I am again today... wala lang.
I-nadd na ako ni Bryan at k. louie dun sa friendster.
hmmm...
may makita kaya akong cute dito? kung meron man... pansinin kaya ako?
nga pala, kita ko ung crush ko nung H.S. sa friendster. ECE pala siya and dun sya sa PUP nag-aaral. cute pa rin... ^^

found this picture. the words are chinese. It says :

love is just a word... but I never told you.

it's already 6:oo, got to go.

Thought:
Beauty is overated.

kakabad trip

2005-05-22T03:14:00.000-07:00

first of all, I've just checked my account in friendster and so far wala pa ring nag-a add sa kin dun sa mga ininvite ko.
I-cancel ko na lang kaya lahat ng pending invites ko?
ang mas nakakainis pa... andon si ano... something tells me na nakita niya na ung profile ko. kakainis talaga. sobra! grrr... mas sumakit tuloy ang ulo ko.

eto pa... bumalik ung curl ng hair ko kse shi nampoo ko siya kagabi. now it's like sabog na naman. tapos wala pang headphones/speaker dito sa internet cafe na 'to. tapos... tapos... wala na akong pera! wahhhh!

iba na nga lang na topic...
I cleaned our house yesterday. god! grabe ung dust. it's like it hasn't been cleaned in years. nagmop pa ako. then I took off the curtains. (I'll just wash them tomorrow)

Reijin can stand up with support and he is also starting to babble now. (Sana pumunta sila ngayon sa Ever para magpa picture kami. )

kakaasar nga lang ung ama niya. He's sick.

dadating daw si ate pia bukas. kala ko nga natuloy siya kagabi. I woke up with a start kse naalala ko na dapat ko siyang sunduin. pero nung tinanong ko si tito walter kung may nagtext sa kanya, sabi wala naman. Bukas pa daw siya luluwas.

hay... gugutom na ko. gtg.

'de... shampoo lang yan

2005-05-20T02:12:00.000-07:00

wah... 5:oo na! sabi ko kay mommy madali lang me.
nagparelax me this morning kaya naman...

... tadaan. pina layer ko tong hair ko... pero ba't parang hindi bagay?... at bakit nagcu curl na agad tong hair ko? wahhh!!! humanda ung bakla na un sa kin...

well, got to rush again. (uuwi pa kami sa pasig ni mommy).
last photo na to...

eto pa...

.

ok lang ba?

friendster...

2005-05-19T01:23:00.000-07:00

ano toh reunion? I've been snooping around in friendster.com and guess what? halos lahat ng ka-batch ko nung H.S. sa USANT andon.
la lang. out of the blue naisipan kong magfriendster. hmm... mahanap ko kaya dun si....

may isa rin akong napansin, halost lahat ng kakilala ko ang naglilink sa min si shid. Lala na niya in fairness. talagang kinareer ang pagfri friendster.

anyway, this is me as of now...

currently listening to Rest in Pieces by Saliva...
nonood pa ako ng Naruto. got to go.

by the way found my friend's site... here.

searching... pero wala e

2005-05-17T01:50:00.000-07:00

can't find brian's website. i've been surfin the web for 2 hours now.
Post na lang uli me tomorrow.

how embarassing...

2005-05-16T00:06:00.000-07:00

yesterday, while I was talking to my mom, I suddenly started crying. Yes, crying! It was so embarassing cause there were other people in the room. They were probably surprised w/ my outburst. Para nga akong tanga dun e. ( hindi rin naman ako na carried away noh?) kse naman, I was convincing my mom not to stay in the attic room kse the stair is very steep. As in steep. halos hindi na nga ma-accomodate ung buong foot mo kse almost 6 inches lang ung width ng steps.

I was so worried for her kse hindi rin naman biru biru ung babagsakan niya. I could see her falling and you know... It's just so very scary.

Anyway, I made a complete ass out of myself... kakahiya... wahh....

guidelines in making a thesis

utterly confusing

2005-05-15T02:39:00.000-07:00

Read this
in response...

http://www.bible.ca/7-pope-changed.htm

who is the first pope?

Roaming around

2005-05-11T04:07:00.000-07:00

sobrang init dito sa pinag-iinternetan ko... damn.

this week, nag-tour kami.

Monday: San Lazaro Hospital

Okey lang sana kaso nakakaantok ung orientation at medyo natatanggal na rin ung paint dun sa walls. Anyway, San Lazaro specializes in communicable diseases. Currently the most common case they have is tetanus.

Tuesday: Lung Center of the Philippines & Wild Life

Maganda dun sa Lung Center. It's also partly because the building is new. The old Lung Center got burned to the ground. We were briefed about the history of the LCP during orientation along with another school.

Wild Life. Ayun maraming hayop.

Today: Tagaytay-Taal Volcano

Breathtaking. The first time we got a clear view of the volcano napa-wow kami. Ang ganda nung view... sobra. Bali nasa taas kami ng cliff overlooking the taal volcano. There were clouds all around tapos the water was very placid. tumuloy kami sa picnic grove. Sayang nga kse wala akong camera. Pero sobrang nakakapagod rin! I feel like i've climed more than a hundred stairs and about a thousand steps.

Ang dami ring cute. ^^ may long hair nga e. Kamukha nung nakita ko dun sa isang blog.

That's it.

"Since You've Been Gone"

2005-05-09T05:22:00.000-07:00

K. Clarkson

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone

Since You've been Gone
Look for her other songs here

Saliva

2005-05-09T04:21:00.000-07:00

Click this link for more info about this band.

Dao

2005-05-09T03:43:00.000-07:00

ABS-CBN will be airing Meteor Garden again... Just thought I'd post Dao's picture. I used to be so head over heals in love with him... pero ngayon... kay Ryan na ako. hehehe

my weekend

2005-05-08T18:22:00.000-07:00

yey! affiliation is over. I don't hvae to wake up early in the morning anymore. Don't have to take a shower if I don't feel like it. And most of all, I can also stay up all night if I want to. Freedom!!! ^^

As for my weekend, I stayed at our house in Pasig. Played chess with kuya most of the time and babysat my nephew, Reijin. Mom came home last saturday. Seems she's more relaxed in her new work place. She also says the pay is much better.

oh well, we'll be having our tour today. got to go. but before that... check out this song...

REST IN PIECES
by Saliva

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine. you look so beautiful tonight
Remind me how you laid us down
And gently smiled before you destroyed my life
Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make it go away
And let me rest in pieces
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
You got much closer than I thought you did
I’m in your reach
You held me in your hands
But could you find it in your heart?
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make it go away
And let me rest in pieces

look for the song at this blog and look for his radioblog

The guy with sad eyes...

2005-05-05T05:13:00.000-07:00

I've fallen in love with the guy with sad eyes. ^^
He is Ryan (kang In-wook) from memories of bali. If you want to get other pictures, just click this link.

Nightmares at daytime

2005-05-05T04:28:00.000-07:00

We came home early today. So I thought I might as well get some shut eye. Unfortunately, I started dreaming of dead people. I even dreamed that "mommy" died. She was in a car accident. according to the news, a lot of people died with her. In my dream I started crying. Then we were in taxi or a van and we were passing by a lot of dead people. We even almost got into 3 accidents. hay...

Don't know what the dream means but I sure woke up feeling shaky. Then I learned that Lyn had been knocking at our door for an hour! She had to ask ate rose for the keys to our room. Sabi nya rin, sa kakakatok niya, naglabasan na daw ung asa kabilang room. Hay grabe.

Last day ng duty na namin tomorrow. Finally! We still have our tour pero ok lang. At least it's not as tiring as the past 4 weeks. We still don't have an idea where the hell where we'll be goin. We paid 500 bucks for that tour. I mean, how much does a toyr have to cost? It's not like we're going to baguio or anything. I even heard we'll only be going to the Heart Center of the Philippines and Lung Center. Un lng.
Those hospitals don't even have an entrance fee. Kurakot talaga yang dean na yan.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the things i've learned this summer. Well, honestly... wla masyado. It's not like V. Luna is open to civilians. Puro mga sundalo lang nman ung pasyente dun. Wala masyadong case. And we were really looking forward in handling patients with rare cases. Kse kung ordinary cases lang naman di sana dun na lang kami sa BMC nag-affiliate. Well at least natuto akong magECG. I have also gained a bit self-esteem.

To end this post, just click this button to watch the music video of HERE WITH ME by DIDO.

WANTED: BF

2005-05-04T01:40:00.000-07:00

Requirements:
~Single and never been married before
~19 & above
~College undergrad or graduate...

malapit na matapos ang affiliation. And so does any chance of finding some summer romance. Maybe I really am ugly and people are just saying i'm pretty just to cover up the obvious. Really. If what they're saying is true then how come I still don't have a BF? Bleh!

paradigm shift muna...

Ano ba naman tong buhay na to.
I didn't use to mind our situation very much coz I thought maybe that's just the way things are meant to be. But recently I've been asking myself, Ba't ba ganito buhay namin? Ba't ba nangyayari to?

Dad has another family now. And now, mom has to live in Cavite to make some money, Kuya is living in Pasig with his family, and I have to live in Bicol. Magkakahiwalay kmi. Minsan nga pagtinatanong ako ng friends ko "o san ka naman ngayon pupunta? sa pasig, sa tondo (dati), sa taguig?" Are we still a family kahit na magkakahiwalay kami? Siguro oo. Pero it doesn't feel like it.

Maybe we're damned for living in sin. It's written in the Bible, you know. And there's no one who can save us. I don't even know if we can save ourselves.

^^

2005-05-01T05:32:00.000-07:00

went to cavite. hinatid namin si mommy dun sa bagong pagtratrabahuhan niya. Naligaw pa nga kami e. Nakarating pa kami dun sa Silang, Cavite. Magine that! kse naman ung binigay na sketch ni tita mali naman. Un pala somewhere before silang, cavite pa sila. Bad trip nga e.

Neway, found a new site. Just check out the link in my navigation bar. Puro OPM hits ang pwede mong madown load.

Lyrics, Lyrics, Lyrics

2005-04-30T23:03:00.000-07:00

I'll be there for you by Bon Jovi

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
Well as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love, it's suicide

You say you've cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

I pray to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we're had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
I can't promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

Solo

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

Take a Bow
Madonna

Take a bow
The night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low
The curtains down
There's no one here
(There's no one here there's no one in the crowd)
Say your lines
But do you feel them
Do you mean what you say
When there's no one around
Wathing you, watching me
One lonely star
(one lonely star, you don't know who you are)

I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say goodbye
Say goodbye, (bye, bye) say goodbye

Make them laugh
It comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart
Hide behind your smile
All the world loves a clown
(Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown)

Wish you well
I cannot stay
You deserve an award
For the role that you played (role that you play)
No more masquerade
You're one lonely star
(One lonely star and you don't know who you are)

All the world is a stage
And everyone has their part
How was I to know
Which way the story'd go
How was I to know
(you'd break, you'd break, you'd break)
You'd break my heart

thank you for loving me by Bon Jovi

2005-04-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
Oh, when I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Oh, for loving me

this song is lovingly dedicated to my mom and dad.

Happy moments

2005-04-30T04:37:00.000-07:00

woke up at 7:30 am. then I remembered the operation tule in tondo. we were supposed to be there at 8 am! actually, mas nauna pa nga si mommy maligo kesa sa min. Paggising ko tulog pa ung iba... We managed to step out of the dorm at 9am. It was a very sunny morning. The kind of morning the make you feel very alive.

by the time we got in tondo, they had already started the operation. the team was composed of two doctors, three midwives and seven of us.

wala. masaya rin. puro tawanan. Si mommy isinupot ba naman ung puto. as in! sabi ko nga lumabas ung pag ka p.g. namin. PATAY GUTOM. E pano ba naman, parang pang h. lupa ang kinakain namin sa dorm. as in!

around 4 pm nung umalis na ung mga doctors, umalis na rin kami. Pumunta kaming baywalk. Dumaan kami sa luneta. Picture picture. May nakita pa nga kaming nagba-ballet.

Tinginan nga sa min ung mga tao kse lahat kami naka white shirt. Ang dami rin naming picture picture. Kala mo day-off namin. ^^

Nung nakarating na kami ng Manila Bay, lumubog na ung araw. Di rin naman na kami masyadong nagtagal.

It was a nice experience.

is it wrong?
aalis na si mommy kina tita tess. pero ang paalam niya, uuwi siya ng Bicol. Actually, lilipat siya sa Cavite. Mali ba na hindi na lang niya ipaalam kay tita tess na aalis siya kse may bago siyang nahanap napagtratrabahuhan? Makakahurt naman kse kung malalaman ni tita tess na ganun. Ano kaya?

bright lights

2005-04-29T05:32:00.000-07:00

there's something alluring with the city lights. It kinda makes you want to live and experience the hassles and bustle of the city.

I've been trying to get my hands on the mp3 of sunshine by gabrielle. so far, no luck. bad trip nga e.

I was just thinking a while ago what i would've been like if we stayed here in Manila. Some of my classmates back in high school were not even better off than us. Mom and Dad were still working in Saudi Arabia back then. Pero mas ginusto nila mommy na dun kami mag-aral sa Bicol. Ung mga kaklase ko naman nung H.S. nakapag-college dito. Where as ako... dun sa CSPC. Sabagay, mataas naman talaga ang cost of living dito e. Hindi talaga namin kakayanin. Pamasahe pa lang sa pang-araw araw mahirap nang hanapin... pangtuition fee pa kaya. Pano ung kakainin namin araw araw. Pano ung pangbayad sa kuryente?sa tubig?

Sabagay, Okey rin naman ung naging buhay namin dun sa Bicol. Hindi rin naman kami masyadong naghirap. Un nga lang, minsan nandoon pa rin ung inggit. Kikita ko kse ung iba kong classmates. I mean, kung tutuusin sila mommy nag-abroad pero ung parents nila dito lang sa pilipinas pero ba't mas maganda pa rin ung buhay nila kesa sa min?
Lagi silang may bagong damit where as ako- dalawa lang ang maong na pinagpapalit palitan ko. Buti na lang may uniform kamin kung hindi magmumukha akong kawawa. Ang nakakatawa nga e, para kay mommy "marami" daw akong damit. Samantalang mangilan ngilan lang naman ang maaayos ko na t-shirt.

bahala na. konting tiis na lang. hopefully, sana maiahon ko tong pamilya na to. Pero isa rin un sa mga problems ko. What if I don't become successful enough? Do I have what it takes to make it out there? to become successful? I'm not so sure. I'm not competitive enough.

hay... buhay nga naman.

a typically boring day

2005-04-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

wala naman masyadong nangyari except for the daily interactions with everyone you get to associate with everyday. Napikon ata sa min si inay. kse naman... it's a long story. I also broke my vow- never to get involved in other people's business. Ayan tuloy. baka galit si inay namin sa akin.

ay naku... never mind na nga.

1 week na lang! yey!!! May tour pa kami sa May 9-13 ata. Don't know where pero sana maganda ung puntahan namin.

Nilibre ako ni elvie. ^^ sinamahan ko kse siya sa Espanya. Ang dami talagang cute dito sa Manila. Mga tisoy kse. hehehe

ok... more thoughts on music therapy.

if I remember correctly, a book I read on technical writing suggested that it would be better if you gather all your resources first before doing ANY kind on of reading on them.

damn! kung hindi sobrang laming dito sa internetan na to, sobrang ingay naman.

Atten~shun!

2005-04-27T04:49:00.000-07:00

guess who visited the heroe's ward today? a general - Major General Alexander Yano! Dun pala sa ward namin nakaconfine ung mga battle casualties. (I thought it was just another ordinary ward ^^v)

neway, I'm trying to find a good thesis over the internet. so far, I've only been able to find a website containing articles on music therapy.
Music Therapy

musicology

I was thinking about doing a research on using popular music in music therapy. First of all, I don't even know if anyone in our place even listens to classical or western music. 2nd, I think my respondents will respond better to familiar music than to classicals they haven't even heard since they were born.

However, Some articles I've read says that western music has a more therapeutic effect than other forms of music.

Ano bang gagawin ko? June is fast approaching.

Paradigm shift muna...

You know, It would be nice to find someone who'd just want to be with you.

love...

2005-04-26T01:04:00.000-07:00

"...moves in mysterious ways. It's always so surprising when love appears over the horizon..."

in my case, baka hindi na dumating un kahit kelan. ewan ko ba. naiinggit lang siguro me. almost lahat kse ng nasa kwarto may bf na.

First Love

2005-04-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

by: Utada Hikaru

Saigo no kisu wa tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irundarou
Dare wo omotterundarou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashi uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki dasouto shiteru
Wasureta kunai kotobakari

Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Anatawo omotterundarou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever

click this to listen to song

SAME GROUND by Kitchie N.

2005-04-23T05:13:00.000-07:00

Click this

My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
and left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would've
wanted if until there was you.

Because i have learned that love is beyond
what human can imagine,
the more it clears the more i have to let you go.

CHORUS:
that's why i don't understand is why im feeling
so bad now when i know it was my idea.
i could've just denied the truth and
lied. but why am i the only one standing stranded
on the same ground?

My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
and left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would've
wanted if until there was you.

Because i have learned that love is a
word gets thrown a little bit too much.
the best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
i have never have to if all else fail

If all else fail, would you be there to love me?
If all else fail, would you be brave to see right
through me?

about the result of the board exam, we have 2 students who made it into the top 20. Eloisa passed and some of the few sophomores I knew. (one of them C_____)Unfortunately, our 5 classmates didn't make it into the list. grabe nga e. 3rd time na nila ito. sabi marked paper na daw kse sila. pagnaka dalawang take ka na pla ng board, marked paper ka na... parang kami tuloy ung na-depress. pero sabi ko naman just because you've failed once or twice or thrice, it doensn't give you the right to give up. If you want something badly, you've got to give it all you've got. Besides di ba sabi nga "try and try until you succeed."

Just for laughs

2005-04-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

three more weeks to go before our affiliation is over.

I'm staying right now at tita tess's house... again. No choice e.

During our duty at the psychiatric ward, a lot of funny things happened or rather the patients kept doing funny stuffs. One of this was the incident with my friend.

Mr. X approached her and made a gesture to give a high five. sige naman siya. tapos approve. sige lang. tapos align. sige pa rin. Tapos habang naka-align pa ung finger nung sang friend ko, si Mr. X naman made a circle with his thumb and forefinger... my friend was aghast. Tawa naman kami ng tawa.

UNWELL

2005-04-20T02:36:00.000-07:00

UNWELL
By Matchbox 20
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

if anyone is reading this blog, you're probably wondering why I chose this song. for one thing, I can relate with it.

working in the psychiatric ward has given me a few things to think about.

today, we got to read the patients' chart. as I read on some of the patients Hx, it got me into thinking about my own history. Quite frankly, I'm not really confident of my sanity. I can remember some episodes in the past which could taken up as a sign of mental illness.

does this mean my personal issues will disqualify me from being a nurse?

Last Week

2005-04-18T00:29:00.000-07:00

This post will be about my weekend, which is composed of the ff. topics:

~the party
~lost...
~...and found
~"life's like that"
~Monday- is a holiday

The Party

Tita tess went to Cam. Norte during the weekend. K. TJ and Jason got left behind and so Jason took the oppurtunity to arrange a party at their house for his friend. (It was his friend's b-day)

Pero hindi pa naman nakakaalis si tita tess, nagsipagdatingan na ung mga bisita ni Jason. Tita tess was eating dinner that time. Nung una daw, dirediretso lang ung mga friends ni Jason. Kaya tinawag ni tita tess si jason tapos sabi "Jason, sabihan mo nga yang mga barkada mo na matuto naman silang gumalang. Andito ako pero ni "good evening" wala man lang bumati sa akin. Asikasuhin mo nga sila."

narinig un nung iba pang hindi nakakataas. Atrasan daw dun sa garahe. Ginawa daw ni Jason, pinapasok niya isa isa. Tapos "ma, si ____ po." Tapos ung friend naman : "good evening po" then aakyat na. Isa isa silang pinakilala at isa isa rin silang nag 'good evening'. Nung matapos na, sabi ni tita tess " e di natuto sila." ^^ I think it's hilarious.

Anyway, may swimming pool sila sa taas ng bahay nila. They held the party there. Natapos un siguro mga 4 am na. hay...

magkaibang magkaiba talaga buhay namin. compared sa kanila, wala akong "barkada" na matatawag. Halos 4th year college na ko pero hindi ko pa naranasang makasama sa isang 'barkada'. I'm not insinuating na wala akong friends. Ang tinutukoy ko naman ay ung mga friends 'outside' school.

Lost...

I stayed at their place for one night only. May sakit kse si reijin. kaya nung 3pm ng sabado, umalis na ko. Tinanong ko si tita marife kung ano sasakyan ko. sabi kahit anong jeep daw basta may nakasulat na Recto. Di sige. Larga naman ako. I was very confident na hindi ako maliligaw. And so, I just listened to this woman who was telling stories about her daughter. Sabi niya, maganda raw si Marissa tapos daw marami daw nanliligaw sa kanya and so on and so forth.

Namalayan ko na lang habang tumatagal, lumiko kami. And as we went farther, some of the store signs read Sta. Cruz pawnshop or something. I thought hindi pa naman siguro ako nakakalampas. Tapos nung tumatagal na nakita ko ung bilboard ng Isetann. The mall looked very small at the distance kaya akala ko, hindi un ung mall na isetan sa recto. I thought baka may ibang Isetann pa aside nung nandon sa recto. And then, we were already crossing a bridge lined with flags. Tapos habang tumatagal, may park na kaming nadadaanan. I immediately asked the woman on my left na kagigising pa lang kung dadaan ba ung jeep na un sa Recto and she said. "Ang layo mo na!" Everyone was looking at me, including the woman who was kept talking and talking about her daughter. "dapat kanina ka pa nagtanong." I said "bababa na ako."
Then everyone got down too. "Asan na po ba ako?" "sa City hall ng Manila." "OH MY GOD!" "Dapat kse kanina ka pa nagtanong. Sakay ka na lang ng pabalik diyan sa mga dumadaan na jeep. Saan ka ba pupunta?" I thought babalik na lang ako sa blumentrit. So I said 'Blumentrit'. The woman instructed me to ride on a jeep going to blumentrit. Pero may nakita akong jeep na dadaan sa UST. If I got to the front gate of UST, alam ko na kung paano ako makakabalik sa recto.

...and found

Along the way, I met this woman who was looking around. I asked her kung ung road na un, papuntang Quezon. She said yes. I was so relieved. It meant I was on the right road. I was so thankful that she asked "san ka ba pupunta?" "Sa recto po." "ay, ang layo mo na. Nakalampas ka na." "ho?" "halika, sasamahan kita. kaso, may hinahanap rin ako na lugar. Nadaanan mo ba ung Laong Laan?"

Later on, I found out that her niece was an affiliating student from Bicol University and that she was trying to find their dorm. We went to her nieces dormitory (when we finally found it) and then we rode a jeep going to quiapo. She insisted in paying for my fair and then nung malapit na kami sa Isetann, sinabihan niya ako na bumaba na.

I was very very happy and very relieved. I thanked her before going down and bade them farewell.

"Life's like that"

when i got home in Pasig, I arrived to find Diane crying. They had been fighting again.

nobody was home except for them. It looked like they were abandoned by everybody kse napundi na sa kanila. Auntie Rita wasn't there. Uncle Walter wasn't there...

I checked on Reijin. He was sleeping. He looked very thin and had difficulty tryign to breathe. He didn't have a fever aside from that.

Anyway, I went to our neighbor's house para makitawag. Naalala ko kse si mommy. She said makitawag daw ako pagnakauwi na ako. It was already 9 pm. Baka nag-aalala na siya. When I got her on the phone, she immediately asked if they(diane and kuya) had been fighting again. I said yes. Umiiyak kako si diane. Kanina pa daw ung hapon. Tumawag daw sa kanya ung kapatid ni diane. Galit daw. Gusto daw isama si diane pauwi. Anyway, mom said she was going home even though it was already 9pm.

After the phone call, I tried paying tita tess pero hindi siya pumayag. I felt bad about it coz I felt like I was imposing on them or something. Imagine, It was already late in teh evening na.

They were concerned about Reijin's health. Sabi nila, masaydo pa daw bata ung dalawa kaya napapabayaan si reijin. Ano ba ang alam nila sa pagpapalaki na bata?

Suddenly, It felt like it was all too much.

Getting lost. the tension and the fear of being lost. and then finding help. the long way home from recto to pasig. and then pleading with the cashier to let me pay for the diaper and the milk even though it was already closing time at the mall. coming home to an empty house with only diane and kuya who had been fighting. Reijin being sick. Mommy being angry and insisting on coming home even though it was already late in the evening. thoughts like why couldn't kuya see all the hardships mom and dad are going through? why is my life like this?

All of this took it's toll on me. Tears started rolling down my cheecks before I could even get out of tita tess's house.

I felt bad about all aspects of our life. I thought "Is there any way out of all this?"

Aside from that, I started worrying about mom. I was afraid that she was hypertensive again. She wasn't feeling well that week. something could happen to her on the way from tondo to pasig. What if?....

I kept crying and crying until I got a hold of myself. A few minutes later, I heard the motorcycle. I rushed to the gate and saw my mom coming down. I was so relieved.

I guess, I had blown things out of proportion again... everything would be alright.

Monday- is a holiday
This morning we woke up @ 3:30 am and proceeded to take a shower and get dressed immediately for our clinical duty.

After having our breakfast and brushing our teeth, we went to our school bus which was parked a few blocks away near the San Sebastian Church.

After a long while, one of classmate arrived announcing that there was no duty except for those under Mrs. Nuyda because our other CI's hadn't arrived yet and we would already be late even if they arrived. Fortunately, I was under Ma'am Rull, and so I had the whole day free.

We will be having a briefing at 6 pm and so... tata.

weekend at last

2005-04-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

friday.

just 3 more weeks to go.

We'll be rotating to the psyche ward next week. This week, we were assigned in the ER. It was kind of boring but at the same time exciting. There was a patient who was ambushed and was referred there by the regional medical center of Isabela(?). However, we don't really get to handle any patients. The interns do most of the work. Like taking the V/S. I wanted so much to bring a pillow but It couldn't fit in my bag. ^^

I'm here in mom's place again. I feel like a kid again. When we were still in Saudi A., she'd take us with her at the clinic. Everyone would smile and say "these are you're children?" and make us feel like we were special or something. I always feel like I have a place every where we go because of her. I never feel like I shouldn't be there or something like that. I guess it's mostly because she is well liked wherever she goes.

as for dorm life...
ate icon lost her Toblerone. She turned the room upside down inside out looking for it. She even tried to make us confess to the pet thievery. It's been kind of a joke now. Whenever we see her "ate icon, where's your toblerone?" and she'd say "aha! maybe you took it." anyway, everyone's wondering where it went coz nobody has really seen or eaten it.

I have a bag full of laundry. I think i'll just go home in pasig and use the washing machine.

(damn! it's cold in here)

some kind of hot shot

2005-04-13T03:17:00.000-07:00

kakaasar. I don't appreciate being corrected in front of patients. That's the problem with her. She thinks she knows it all when in fact, she just parrots other people. She just repeats the right answers she hears. She's like that. She corrects you in front of other people to give them the impression that she knows everything while at the same time making you look so damn incompetent.

tang ina. akala mo kung sino.

License test

2005-04-12T04:15:00.000-07:00

First day na ng board exam nila kanina.
Maraming nagbabatian ng "good luck", "galingan niyo/mo"... pero sinabihan ko naman na un sila dun sa note ko sa kanila. I said: just relax, concentrate and PRaY. Un lang un.

Ako kinakabahan para sa kanila e. Lalo na ung mga classmates namin na nagtake ulit ng board. What if they fail? I hope not. They might not get over the failure this time and decide not to ever try again.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Sana pumasa na sila this time. PLS. PLS. PLS.

MEANT TO LIVE
by Switchfoot

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

VINDICATED
by Dashboard Confessional

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

selfishness

2005-04-12T03:52:00.000-07:00

Take away the pain
Take away the blame
I hope I wont go insane.

Naiinis ako na naiiyak. Kuya dropped by at the dorm this afternoon. Hiningi nya yung pinabibigay ni Mommy na P700 and at the same time, dinala niya ung pinapadala ko kay auntie ritz. So naturally, I thought auntie ritz sent him.

Then after a few minutes, dad arrived asking me if I gave kuya the money. I said yes. Parang nanghihinayang ung mukha ni daddy. Tapos sabi niya si kuya daw pala talagang hindi na nagbago. Sabi daw ni diane, umuuwi daw un mga 10 pm na. Ni hindi man lang daw bumibili ng pagkain dun sa bahay. Binibigyan daw ni daddy siya ng pera pero ginagastos lang sa Ever.

Kakainis talaga. Si mommy, halos hindi na nagpapahinga dun sa pinagtratrabahuhan niya. Tapos si daddy nagkakasakit na kse kung ano ano na lang na racket ang ginagawa para lang kumita. Tapos siya, wala man lang konsiderasyon.

For god's sake! Sila na nga ang bumubuhay dun sa pamilya niya. Pinapapag-aral siya pero nagloko lang siya at nag-asawa ng maaga. I don't mind latter very much pero sana man lang magsikap siya hindi lamang para sa sarili niya kundi para na rin kay reijin.

He's so selfish. Napakaselfish niya! Why can't he think of the others even for just awhile.

I'm just so fed up with him. Nakakainis talaga siya. Magbabago pa ba siya?

half day!

2005-04-11T02:23:00.000-07:00

yes!!!
I was able to get a nap this afternoon while the others prepared their notes for the 2nd year who will be taking the board exam tomorrow. We will be posting it at their doors at midnight or when they are already asleep.

I have tons of paperworks to do. We're in the ER now.

there's a new "intriga" in the dorm.
our dean's husband tried to make a pass on one of our CI's. According to our CI, he would text her asking if she had eaten her lunch already and things like that. Of course, parang double meaning na rin un. Kse he's showing special attention to her. Iba ung dating e. Our CI was teary eyed when she was relating the story. To think na ninang pa man din niya sa kasal si dean. Ti-next daw niya un na ginalang pa man din daw niya siya, tapos ganon ung gagawin niya.

Padating daw si dean this week. Mukha daw nagkumpisal na si Mr. ______. Worried na worried na daw un e. Sabi nga ni ma'am baka daw baliktarin pa siya. Hay... grabe!

what's with her???

2005-04-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

during lunch, I was trying to make light conversation and tita tess kept disagreeing with everything I was saying even though there was some point in it. never mind. I guess she's just annoyed at the thought of mom leaving her. kse naman e. If she was compensating my mom well di ok lang sana. E hindi naman e.

ewan ko ba kung babalik pa ko dito sa kanila.

bloody feet

2005-04-09T02:27:00.000-07:00

my feet looks like it's bleeding. I had it pedicured this afternoon and the manicurist applied a tincture or something. (merthiolate, I think)

kuya dropped by in the clinic. he brought the drawing he was working on. It's a face of a woman. The eyes look very alive.

tita tess attended a wedding this afternoon and brought along queen and te joy.

today

2005-04-08T05:07:00.000-07:00

my mom woke me up at 7 am to tell me that there was a primigravida who was already fully dilated. And I should go down stairs to assist her. I changed into a new shirt and brushed my teeth. However, when I was going down the stairs, I slipped and fell and landed on my butt on the landing. I think it was about 7 steps. Right now, my behind feels like I was paddled.

the delivery went well. it was a baby boy.

tita tess has a big house. I've already met her children. They're not actually children. TJ is a graduating student from FEU, Jason is 2nd year college in MAPUA (if I remember correctly) and Queenie is a freshman. Haven't seen much of them the whole day.

almost forgot. while I was taking off my gloves after the delivery, there was a dark thing on my right fourth finger. I didn't know what it was so I asked my mom about it over breakfast. And do you know what it is? It's a WART! A wart on MY finger! it's gross and I have it on my finger. dang! wonder if it's benign or malignant...

as for other matters, my mom wants to leave the lying-in clinic. (tita tess owns the place) I feel bad for tita tess coz I learned that tita marife and ate lyn-lyn also wants to go. Their two driver left earlier and now my mom will also be leaving her. if I were in here shoes, well... it would feel like everyone's abandoning you. Pero practikalan lang. They are under compensated and aside from that, mom tells me that tita tess may be having a relationship with a married guy. ok lang naman daw sana kahit mababa ung sweldo pero ung part na un, hindi daw sya payag sa ganon. She'd rather leave with a high regard for her tita tess than stay and think lowly of her. Sabi ko naman sa kanya, nasa kanya na yon. The decision is hers to make.

MUSIC: Vindicated ~ Dashboard Confessional

sicgurl

2005-04-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

I was burning with fever when I arrived from the hospital yesterday. I changed my clothes immediately and just climbed into bed and covered myself with my blanket. I texted my mom I was sick and that everytime I breathed, my lungs hurt. My room mates were very worried when they found out later on. Ate vangie went to our room to ask if I was really sick coz just a few ours ago, I looked fine and was laughing so hard with her. Then she bought me some noodles and my friends also made choco milk for me. They're so sweet.

Anyway, at about 7 pm. mom arrived and I was really burning with fever by then. she checked my temp. and it was 39 degrees celcius. My head was aching and my back ached everytime I breathed. She asked my C.I. if she could bring me home with her and our C.I. said yes. I will just have a make-up duty either there in V. Luna or in BMC.

2005-04-06T03:25:00.000-07:00

first of all, our RLE in V. Luna started last monday. The place is nice. (I think) the rooms in the OPD are air- conditioned but they lack in supplies unlike in BMC where there is an infinite supply of hospital materials like cotton balls, k y jelly, etc we will only be rotating in 5 areas namely: OPD, ER, Psyche, Ortho, Genito-Urinary.

So far, everything is going well in the dorm. but I'm not so sure if everything's ok with the others. especially the ones who are sharing a room with L_______. I heard they are having problems. But right now, I don't want to do anything with it. one thing i learned last summer is- if you're not involved, stay out of it! and also MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

as for today, I did my laundry. I locked myself in a cubicle and washed most of my clothes haphazardly. There's a fine if you get caught washing your clothes.

haven't talked to shid for awhile. it's not like he's been answering my messages in his blog.
I've also stopped talking to alphonse. it's been a month now, I guess.

dang! it's cold in this net cafe.

got to be going. dad's going to visit. wonder what's taking him so long...

here

2005-04-01T04:00:00.000-08:00

we arrived last friday. we took the day-trip. the trip was nice. we got to see the places we were passing by. (unlike the night trip)
too bad I didn't have a camera with me. however, the only draw back with the whole trip was, we were crammed in the mini school bus along with our luggage. We had to jump over seats in order to get down during stop-overs.

our dorm is along recto now. the place is smaller than our last dorm.
I'm bunking in with 11 girls.

... hay. I'm afraid.
what if what happened last year happens again? what if my insecurities take over again?

reminders to myself

2005-03-31T02:27:00.000-08:00

The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.
--Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

If you're going through hell, keep going.
--Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) British Statesman, Prime Minister, Author

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.
--Henry David Thoreau

You are the same today that you are going to be five years from now except for two things: the people with whom you associate and the books you read.
--Charles Jones

Read no history: nothing but biography, for that is life without theory.
--Benjamin Disraeli

Life is what happens to you while you're working for your future.
--Unknown

How could there be any question of acquiring or possessing, when the one thing needful for a man is to become -- to be at last, and to die in the fullness of his being.
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The notion of looking on at life has always been hateful to me. What am I if I am not a participant? In order to be, I must participate.
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

2005-03-31T01:55:00.000-08:00

seems like it was only yesterday when I was preparing to leave for Manila to take the review and the board exam. things are a bit different now though. Now, I'm going to t here for our affilliation.

Not really sure of what's going to happen.

new blog

2005-03-29T23:56:00.000-08:00

created another blog.
I already have 3 blogs with the same host.
anyway, how is this blog different from the others??
well,
1. my friends don't know about this blog.
2. I can write about anything I want... as in ANYTHING. hehehe *evil look*
3. I don't know.